


lucifer - (don't) let me drown

by tumbling_into_chaos



Series: high between two lofty towers [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Again only sort of, Background Azazel (Supernatural), Descent into Madness, Forced Isolation, Gen, God is a jackass, Hurt Lucifer (Supernatural), I wrote this instead of applying for financial aid, Identity Erasure, Implied Non-Consensual Body Modification, Lucifer in the Cage (Supernatural), Lucifer is Called Samael (Supernatural), No beta we die like winchesters, Pain, Pre-Canon, Sort Of, Torture, more descent into evil, non-consensual memory alteration, or was anyways
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:20:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29027103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tumbling_into_chaos/pseuds/tumbling_into_chaos
Summary: ❝ He was exhausted. His feathers were burned off, his bones charred and broken. His heart beat a frantic staccato.He gasped, tried to breath through the pain.Steady, rhythmic.One. Two. Three.- A cut through the millenia Lucifer spent alone in the cage, until Lilith dies and he walks the earth once more.
Series: high between two lofty towers [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2130669
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	lucifer - (don't) let me drown

**Author's Note:**

> Titel taken from Drown by Bring Me The Horizon (because I love the song, and because the lyrics might as well subsitude the FF tbh)

His body hit the ground, his wings were burning.

Samael - Lucifer - _screamed_.

***

He was exhausted. His feathers were burned off, his bones charred and broken. His heart beat a frantic staccato.

He gasped, tried to breath through the pain.

Steady, rhythmic.

One. Two. Three.

...

Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Make it _stop_ , father _please_!

Thirteen. Fourteen.

...

Twenty-Five. Twenty-Six.

I will do anything, _please, I'm_ sorry!

Twenty-Seven.

It _burns._

Twenty-Eight. Twenty-Nine.

...

Fifty.

Sobbing, loud and violent and painful in his throat and eyes.

Fifty-One.

Somehow, more painful than the fire.

Fifty-Two. Fifty-Three. Fifty-Four. Fifty-...

...

Hundred-and-Thiry-Three.

Hundred-and-Thirty-Four.

His insides were twisting, rearraging themselves.

He ~~threw up~~ heaved up shallow nothingness.

Hundred-Thirty-Five.

...

Two-Hundred-and-Twelve.

He couldn't feel his fingers anymore.

Two-Hundred-and-Thirteen.

His wings were dead and numb.

Two-Hundred-and-Fourteen.

His head refused to twitch when he tried to turn, and a splitting headache overruled the numbers.

For a moment, there was nothing.

...

He came to, still in pain.

His grace felt foreign, wrong.

He struggled to move. He couldn't.

...

 _Calm,_ calm.

One.

He sobbed.

Somehow that number felt like failure.

Two.

...

Thirty-Three.

He wanted to scream, but he didn't.

Thirty-Four.

Thirty-Five.

He curled up, and tried to forget the pain.

Thirty-Six.

...

Sixty-Seven.

_Michael? Michael, can you hear me?_

Sixty-Eight.

The bond shut down.

Sixty-Nine.

For the first time since creation --

Seventy.

Seventy-One.

He was alone.

Seventy-Two.

Abandoned by Father.

Abandoned by Michael.

He hated --

Seventy-Three.

Seventy-Four.

Seventy-Five, Seventy-Six.

...

Hundred-and-Eighty-Five.

The fire was subsiding.

The heat was leaving.

Samael - Lucifer - had never been so cold.

Hundred-and-Eighty-Six.

...

Three-Hundred-and-Five.

He was alone, and he was cold, and he opened his eyes.

_Darkness_

He cried and cried and he did not pass out.

Three-Hundred-and-Six, and Three-Hundred-and-Seven, and _why was he so alone?_

...

Nine-Hundred-and-Fourty.

It was dark here, and the light refused his call.

Nine-Hundred-and-Fourty-One.

He was alone.

Nine-Hundred-and-Fourty-Two.

And he was cold.

Nine-Hundred-and-Fourty-Three.

Nine-Hundred-and-Fourty-Four.

And he was hopeless.

...

Nine-Hundred-and-Fourty-Five.

...

Three-Thousand-Two-Hundred-Ninety-Seven.

Sam - Sama - Sa --

Three-Thousand-Two-Hundred-Ninety-Eight.

Lucifer.

Three-Thousand-Two-Hundred-Ninety-Nine.

Lightbringer.

Three-Thousand-Three-Hundred.

_No!_

That was not - not ...

Three-Thousand-Three-Hundred-One.

...

Six-Thousand-Twelve.

He had a name once, he knew that.

Six-Thousand-Thirteen.

It made his head hurt to think of that.

He was now Lucifer.

Six-Thousand-Fourteen.

...

Twenty-Two-Thousand-Five-Hundred.

He screamed.

Twenty-Two-Thousand-Five-Hundred-One.

Silence echoed back.

Twenty-Two-Thousand-Five-Hundred-Two.

He was alone with his numbers and his thoughts.

Twenty-Two-Thousand-Five-Hundred-Three.

And the pain.

Twenty-Two-Thousand-Five-Hundred-Four.

Not even his voice had followed him here.

Twenty-Two-Thousand-Five-Hundred-Five.

...

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Eighty-Three, and a flicker in the corner of his eyes.

...

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Six, and a voice in his head: “My Lord.”

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Seven, and he knew without remembering and without knowing how who he was speaking to. “Azazel.”

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Eight, “I bring news, my Lord.”

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Nine,

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Ten,

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Eleven, and he listened.

Five-Hundred-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Twelve and brittle lips stretched into a smile. “Excellent.”

...

Seven-Hundred-Thousand-and-One.

“There is a plan.”

Seven-Hundred-Thousand-and-Two.

“I know.” (He did not know how.)

Seven-Hundred-and-Three.

...

Four-Million-Ten-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Nintey-Seven.

“The boy has been born.”

Four-Million-Ten-Thousand-Three-Hundred-Nintey-Eight.

“Proceed.”

...

Four-Million-Twenty-Three-Thousand-Eight-Hundred-Twelve.

Dean Winchester broke, and the Cage shook.

Four-Million-Twenty-Three-Thousand-Eight-Hundred-Thirteen.

The devil laughed. Loud and wild and manic.

...

Four-Million-Twenty-Four-Thousand-Seventy-Two.

Lilith died.

Four-Million-Twenty-Four-Thousand-Seventy-Three.

Four-Million-Twenty-Four-Thousand-Seventy-Four.

And Lucifer walked the earth.

***

There was an angel once.

They called him Heaven's Brightest, the Lightbringer, the Star of Morning.

God's Favourite.

They called him Hope, and they called him Poison.

They called him Brother, and they called him Prince.

He called them idiots, mainly, and he gave the best hugs.

There was an angel once, who loved the stars and had fire in his eyes. He had many dreams, and many titles, and yet more nicknames given by angels too young to pronounce them well.

He had a name, too, a proper one, but few remembered that. None remembered its sound, and those who tried found their tongues rotting and heads swirling.

There was an angel once, who had been rejected, and had rejected in turn, and who had payed the price.

There was an angel once who cared.

That angel had died in fire, and was buried in Darkness.

Four-Million-Twenty-Four-Thousand-Seventy-Four.

And Lucifer walked the earth.

**Author's Note:**

> I have honestly no clue how this happened, especially as I haven't written for supernatural in over two years (I think?) and this started out as an idea for a suicide fic. Guess that didn't happen. I kinda like it anyways.
> 
> Please leave some feedback even (especially) if it's only keysmash or a note on the formatting. I'm not quite sure how readable this fic is, actually.  
> I promise you you'll make my day, and if I don't reply it's probably because my brain is short-circuiting and I don't know what to say.
> 
> A last but definitely not least: Thank you for reading


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